Christmas 2012

As crazy as the break was, we were still able to squeeze in some fun.

Me trying out my new camera

Opening present's at our apartment, before leaving. Benson got a bed, and a Mater car, Eden got the mat/play thing she is laying on, & I got a fancy camera from James.  I gave James tickets to Brian Regan show (a comedian).
This Christmas, James talked me into a one time spending allowance increase.  Here was his reasoning- he worked full time on campus tutoring and TAing this summer rather than taking a break, and yet (he thinks) he hasn't gotten to see/spend a penny of it.  He went above and beyond expectations, so he felt like he should be able to spend some of the money he made.  Hence, this Christmas was more extravagent than the past (and future!) Christmas's.
While I can see his point of view (and agreed to it), it still makes me a little bit sick to my stomach when I realize that we are so far in debt, have so many expenses coming up, and are on government assistance.
I guess its true that opposites attract.  I'm just trying to enjoy the camera he got me without thinking about all the bills the we are going to have to pay.

     

 Pocatello                                               

This outfit was from Vicki.  Eden looked so adorable in it that I couldn't help but take tons of pictures of her! 

Round 2 of opening gifts!  We are so spoiled! Thank you Mom & Dad for the money & toys, movie, calendar, etc.  Thank you Dave & Katuska for the fun bath toys, clothes, gift card, etc.  We are a pretty lucky bunch! 

 

On Christmas day, after presents and breakfast, we went to the park and played soccer.  I am still mad at myself for not taking pictures, because it was really fun.  The one thing I didn't appreciate- getting schooled by my younger nephews- Tad, Jace, & Grant.  I thought I was in fairly decent shape, but I was wrong. I seriously thought I would be the 2nd family member in the stroke unit of Portneuf.  Moving around in the snow nearly did me in.  Luckily, James was on my team, and has an unlimited amount of cardio-vascular endurance, and made up for it
.      

  Ali, Ben, Dad & Benson at the hospital
 ~Since Dad wasn't home on Christmas Eve, we recorded the family acting out the nativity story and singing songs and playing music on Christmas. He was watching the recording on the ipad in these pictures.  


 

Can't get enough of Christian's 'fro




Draper

                                       Another round of opening presents! We are so spoiled!

                                             Cousin time! Benson, Eden, Rebecca, Amelia, & Nicole

   Although we froze our bunz off, we loved being in the snow again. James and I thought that sledding was a blast.  Unfortunately, Benson didn't agree...John came and took him back.

Dad's stroke

    I've been meaning to write this post for a while, but haven't because I'm still trying to wrap my head around everything that has happened, and sort of make sense out of my thoughts.  I've also been putting if off because I know it is going to be a long post so it'll take me a while.  I'll try to be concise, but don't count on it:)...I've had a lot on my mind.
   My dad had a serious stroke three days before Christmas.  It happened the day after we got to Pocatello, just two days after Eden's hospital stay.  The stroke was on the left side of his brain so it affected the right side of his body.  Initially, he wasn't able to walk or talk.  It also affected some aspects of his cognition.  Fortunately, my mom, James, Katie and I were home with him when it happened, and were able to help my mom get him to the ER.  My mom and James took him into the ER around 12:45 PM on the 22nd (the Sat. before Christmas), and by that time he couldn't walk or talk.  It wasn't a typical stroke story though- he lost his speaking/physical abilities so gradually that we couldn't even pinpoint an exact time of onset. 
     The day it happened, he and James were together earlier in the afternoon while my mom and I were downstairs.  James said that he was asking him questions about his business, and my dad wasn't responding.  James initially figured that the business was a sore topic, so he changed the subject.  Still very few responses to most of James's questions though.  When I came upstairs from playing the piano, I heard James telling my dad that if he wouldn't say anything, we were going to take him to the hospital.  He and my mom had a notebook and a pen out for him, asking my dad to write what year it was, sign his name, anything.  He couldn't do any of it, even with his good hand.
     My dad had just walked across the room and sat down on the couch though, so I figured it wasn't an emergency if he was still able to walk.  I assumed that he was just ignoring them because he was tired and didn't want to be pestered about his health.  As time went on though, I realized that he wasn't not responding because he wouldn't, but he couldn't. At one point, he did answer the question of my mom's name and my name, but didn't respond to any of the other questions we were asking him.  We discovered that he could barely move or lift his right arm.  At that point, we figured it was some sort of stroke, so to test the theory, James asked him to stick his tongue out.  It deviated to one side, which (according to James) is a pretty strong indicator of a stroke.
   My mom had already asked me to call Ben and ask him to come over to help us bring him to the hospital.  Once we realized it was probably a stroke though, things got crazy and there was no time to wait for him.  James gave my dad a quick blessing, and we almost called 911 (for the 2nd time that week) but remembered how slow they were with Eden.  We figured we could make it to the hospital just as fast as they could get to us (and we probably would have been right, except for the fact that my mom ended up behind the wheel! :).  By this time, my dad could not hold himself up, so James and I walked/carried him to the car.  He helped a little bit, but most of his weight was on James.  My mom pulled the car around to the front, and her and James brought my dad to the hospital.  Ben met them there. At that point, all we could do was wait. 
     Katie and Ann made the calls to the family.  Scott and Stephanie came to town immediately, and Ben and James stayed at the hospital all day with my mom.  We were able to spend time at the hospital with Ben, Katie, Scott and my parents.  Seeing him so helpless was a pretty sobering sight, to say the least; and the doctors were in no hurry to give us any information.  It was so nice to be with my brothers and sisters during the whole experience.  Their presence was very comforting to me.  Dave, Jill, and Ali also all came into town as soon as they could.   
     I was stunned at how many people came to see my dad.  There were people visiting him nearly every time I went to the hospital.  I couldn't help but think how humiliating this must be for him though- I know he appreciated all of the support, but I imagine it was hard for him to even have his family see him in such helpless circumstances, let alone the entire neighborhood and town.  People just kept coming and coming though.  I also didn't realize how generous he was with so many people.  I heard many new stories of his generosity in his business that I'd had no idea about.
     It was also so nice to see so many of my dad's family show their support.  I don't know many of them as well as I would like to.  My dad's family also relieved a HUGE burden for my mom by taking charge of the decision making for my dad's business.  My mom (as well as most of my siblings) are clueless when it comes to my dad's business, and she was so stressed about what to do about it.  Fortunately, my cousin Brad McSpadden (who bought my dad's previous business, Data Solutions), cousin-in-law Kevin Albertson, along with my brother Dave, met together to figure out where to go with my dad's business.  We are so grateful to them for doing that!    

     Here are some of the thoughts that have stuck with me, even after I'm back home, and for me everything has settled down.
   From observing my dad in the hospital, (in the most humble of circumstances, and having his independence completely stripped from him), I saw in him what the Lord meant when he tells us to be meek and lowly of heart.
     I also saw some of the aspects of charity that Moroni mentions when he says that charity suffereth long, and is kind,... and is not puffed up...beareth all things, believeth all things, hopeth all things, endureth all things.
     I now get what it means when the scriptures teach us to humble yourselves, even to the dust.  It is really upsetting to see the person who raised you, who you've looked up to you're entire life, a business owner, and one of the most intelligent people you know, suddenly being talked to like a child, and unable to be able to point out which animal is 'the dog'.  His recovery is requiring every bit of humility, motivation, discipline, drive, and energy that he has.  I've never seen a person pushed that far emotionally, physically, and spiritually.
     One thing that I find ironic is that I often feel most grateful to God when I'm going through something difficult.  Or maybe it is that I can see the true character of God and His kindness more clearly in the midst of a trial.  Christmas break overall was pretty traumatic, considering everything that happened with Eden, and my dad.  But, I have so much to be grateful for- both cases could have been so much worse! Another major blessing is the timing of everything.  While there is never a great time for a stroke, this timing was about as good as it could have been. First of all, he was home when it happened, not driving or at his office.  Also, James and I were home and were able to help my mom get him into the car.  Second of all, if it had happened a few months earlier, like in the middle of Katie's problems, it would have been catastrophic.  Katie and my mom depended on him a lot during Katie's divorce.  He is much more able to cope with stress, think logically in the midst of emotional setting than both of them.  They relied on him heavily.  The Lord was very kind to hold off on the stroke until things were getting settled for Katie...which they are, thank heavens!       Other things that I've been thinking about since the experience- our physical bodies are so amazing. It can go through and recover from so much trauma.  It makes me want to do a better job at taking care of myself.  Seeing how much discipline and motivation that was being demanded from my dad made me want to be more disciplined in my own life. If I had half of the discipline he was using during his recovery, I'd be much further ahead in life than I am now!  It makes me want to never ever let myself get overweight. I also take so many things for granted that I don't even realize is a blessing until it is gone- ie walking, talking, swallowing, writing, thinking, etc.
     Most of all though, I realized again, how blessed I am to have such an amazing father, who was taught me so many things.  My dad may have his corks and annoying habits, but in every aspect that matters eternally, he was completely aligned with the Lord's will, and always has been.
 





Taken right after his physical therapy session which consisted of walking down the hall and back.  We had to tell him to slow down because he was making the other stroke victims look bad!   Good work dad, we love you so much and are your biggest fans!

Know ye not that ye are in the hands of God... (Moroni 5:23)

Today was a painful reminder at how fragile life is. I am writing this post from a room at Primary Children's Medical Center. Here is the story- I laid Eden down for a nap at the Browns house today. We'd just gotten into UT late last night. We're visiting during James's Christmas break. I decided to lay her on the bed because the pack n' play was being used. She has recently started rolling all over the place though, so I put a little toddler air mattress on top of the bed and laid her in it. It was partially deflated, which I initially thought was perfect because she wouldn't be as mobile, and wouldn't be able to roll off the bed. I swaddled her, left the room, and didn't think twice about it.

Partway through her nap I snuck in to get some of my clothes out to take a shower. When I came back into the room, about 20 minutes later, I noticed she had rolled onto her stomach. I thought about rolling her back onto her back so she could breathe a little bit easier, but disregarded the thought. I usually make it a habit to never disturb a sleeping baby. I put some things away and tidied up a little bit and just as I was leaving, decided to roll her onto her back, even if it meant waking her up.

I will forever be grateful to the Lord for putting that thought back into my head because when I rolled her over, her face was blue. She had been slowly suffocating and I had no idea. I quickly unwrapped her swaddle, and fortunately the color returned to her face and I could see that she started breathing. I yelled like crazy for James to come help me. He came and held her but she was completely unresponsive. Her eyes were unfocused and drooping and she was completely limp. She didn't snap out of it so I immediately called 911. James gave her a priesthood blessing and we waited. It was the longest 5 minutes of my life.

Once the paramedics got there she was still very lethargic and limp. She slowly started coming out of it and by the time they checked her vitals, she could focus her eyes and interact much more like her usual self. Her vitals were stable, but her oxygen saturation was low- like 75%. They told us she needed to be looked at by a pediatrician at Primary's. They said they always recommend you use the ambulance to drive there, but said they would feel comfortable if we just took her ourselves since she was acting so normal.

We gathered up our things quickly and drove down. She had an x ray and a blood test, and as far as we know she is doing great. They still wanted to watch her overnight though, because it took her so long to recover from the scary event. So we are here at primary's right now, just counting our blessings that she's doing so well.

Throughout this experience, I couldn't help but think about the families in CN, and how much they must be hurting to have lost their little kids. I've also been thinking about my friend, who recently lost her baby boy. I'm so sad for them while at the same time so relieved and that we were spared that loss. I'm so grateful that I can still change her poopy diapers and listen to her shrill little cries. James said it well- today Eden was in the Lord's hands. I'm so glad He let her stay! I know that even (or especially) when you have difficulties, the Lord shows us His tender mercies, which we received in abundance today.

Happiness, Your Heritage 
Dieter F. Uchtdorf
RS broadcast Oct. 2008

 I rewatched this talk today.  It really hit home for me the first time I watched it in '08. Particularly the part about creating rings true with me. It has given me some direction, understanding, and perspective as far as my relatively new role as a mom.
 Here are some of my favorite lines from it.

~ If you are a mother, you participate with God in His work of creation—not only by providing physical bodies for your children but also by teaching and nurturing them.

~Our birthright—and the purpose of our great voyage on this earth—is to seek and experience eternal happiness. One of the ways we find this is by creating things

~Remember that you are spirit daughters of the most creative Being in the universe

~“Progress, and improve upon and make beautiful everything around you. Cultivate the earth, and cultivate your minds. Build cities, adorn your habitations, make gardens, orchards, and vineyards, and render the earth so pleasant that when you look upon your labors you may do so with pleasure, and that angels may delight to come and visit your beautiful locations. In the mean time continually seek to adorn your minds with all the graces of the Spirit of Christ.”

~The more you trust and rely upon the Spirit, the greater your capacity to create. That is your opportunity in this life and your destiny in the life to come.

~James Barrie, the author of Peter Pan: “Those who bring sunshine to the lives of others cannot keep it from themselves.”

Just saw that they made the talk into a Mormon Message; I don't think this message captures the depth of his message though.     

Mommy life

   One of my favorite sayings is "The hand that rocks the cradle is the hand that rules the world."  I really do believe that.  Today was a more difficult day for me though.  I have been feeling like a complete mess lately with my kids, especially Eden.  I have no idea what to do with her.  About 50% of the time, she has some major issues with eating.  I can't get a full feeding in her because she'll arch her back and scream and cry when I try to feed her like she is in pain; which means that I have to feed her again in another hour or so.  I feel like telling everybody that I will not be dependable for the next year.  When we are at home, it is fine.  I can get Eden to sleep in her own bed and on somewhat of a schedule.  The problem is whenever we go anywhere.  First of all, I can't seem to be on time for anything. It is so frustrating to me, because (although you would never know it) I really do put a lot of effort and energy into trying to plan ahead and get to places on time.  The other problem is that whenever we finally get to where were going, after about 20 minutes (at most) Eden is fussy.  That wouldn't be that big of a problem is she would eat, but then after like 5 seconds of sucking, she is done and still won't eat.  Here is what I've tried- gripe water, gas drops, cutting out chocolate, milk & gluten from my diet.  Nothing has made a huge difference so far.

  That was a lot of venting, but after 4 months, it really does start getting to me.  The Lord is probably trying to teach me a lesson for when I get critical or annoyed at anyone who was ever late.  Having a newbord can be very humbling.  I thought I knew what I was doing-- I don't.                      
    So on that note, I decided to try to focus on the things that I am doing- even if they are small accomplishments. I learned how to French braid today. I've been meaning to learn for about the last 10 years. Finally did it. Here is a pic of my 1st French braid worn out in public.

  

Family pics- compliments of Annie

Eden's blessing

 Eden was blessed November 3, 2012. She wore the same blessing dress that I wore when I was blessed.

Drowning in her mom's baby blessing dress

The priesthood circle

You are a beauty Eden.  Mommy & daddy adore you and are so glad that we are the ones who get to take care of you!  

My parents came down for Eden's blessing as well as Vicki & John.  We had a great time.  The blessing was beautifully done.  (Way to go James!)


We had plenty of pool time with the Christensen side before the blessing.