Dad's stroke

    I've been meaning to write this post for a while, but haven't because I'm still trying to wrap my head around everything that has happened, and sort of make sense out of my thoughts.  I've also been putting if off because I know it is going to be a long post so it'll take me a while.  I'll try to be concise, but don't count on it:)...I've had a lot on my mind.
   My dad had a serious stroke three days before Christmas.  It happened the day after we got to Pocatello, just two days after Eden's hospital stay.  The stroke was on the left side of his brain so it affected the right side of his body.  Initially, he wasn't able to walk or talk.  It also affected some aspects of his cognition.  Fortunately, my mom, James, Katie and I were home with him when it happened, and were able to help my mom get him to the ER.  My mom and James took him into the ER around 12:45 PM on the 22nd (the Sat. before Christmas), and by that time he couldn't walk or talk.  It wasn't a typical stroke story though- he lost his speaking/physical abilities so gradually that we couldn't even pinpoint an exact time of onset. 
     The day it happened, he and James were together earlier in the afternoon while my mom and I were downstairs.  James said that he was asking him questions about his business, and my dad wasn't responding.  James initially figured that the business was a sore topic, so he changed the subject.  Still very few responses to most of James's questions though.  When I came upstairs from playing the piano, I heard James telling my dad that if he wouldn't say anything, we were going to take him to the hospital.  He and my mom had a notebook and a pen out for him, asking my dad to write what year it was, sign his name, anything.  He couldn't do any of it, even with his good hand.
     My dad had just walked across the room and sat down on the couch though, so I figured it wasn't an emergency if he was still able to walk.  I assumed that he was just ignoring them because he was tired and didn't want to be pestered about his health.  As time went on though, I realized that he wasn't not responding because he wouldn't, but he couldn't. At one point, he did answer the question of my mom's name and my name, but didn't respond to any of the other questions we were asking him.  We discovered that he could barely move or lift his right arm.  At that point, we figured it was some sort of stroke, so to test the theory, James asked him to stick his tongue out.  It deviated to one side, which (according to James) is a pretty strong indicator of a stroke.
   My mom had already asked me to call Ben and ask him to come over to help us bring him to the hospital.  Once we realized it was probably a stroke though, things got crazy and there was no time to wait for him.  James gave my dad a quick blessing, and we almost called 911 (for the 2nd time that week) but remembered how slow they were with Eden.  We figured we could make it to the hospital just as fast as they could get to us (and we probably would have been right, except for the fact that my mom ended up behind the wheel! :).  By this time, my dad could not hold himself up, so James and I walked/carried him to the car.  He helped a little bit, but most of his weight was on James.  My mom pulled the car around to the front, and her and James brought my dad to the hospital.  Ben met them there. At that point, all we could do was wait. 
     Katie and Ann made the calls to the family.  Scott and Stephanie came to town immediately, and Ben and James stayed at the hospital all day with my mom.  We were able to spend time at the hospital with Ben, Katie, Scott and my parents.  Seeing him so helpless was a pretty sobering sight, to say the least; and the doctors were in no hurry to give us any information.  It was so nice to be with my brothers and sisters during the whole experience.  Their presence was very comforting to me.  Dave, Jill, and Ali also all came into town as soon as they could.   
     I was stunned at how many people came to see my dad.  There were people visiting him nearly every time I went to the hospital.  I couldn't help but think how humiliating this must be for him though- I know he appreciated all of the support, but I imagine it was hard for him to even have his family see him in such helpless circumstances, let alone the entire neighborhood and town.  People just kept coming and coming though.  I also didn't realize how generous he was with so many people.  I heard many new stories of his generosity in his business that I'd had no idea about.
     It was also so nice to see so many of my dad's family show their support.  I don't know many of them as well as I would like to.  My dad's family also relieved a HUGE burden for my mom by taking charge of the decision making for my dad's business.  My mom (as well as most of my siblings) are clueless when it comes to my dad's business, and she was so stressed about what to do about it.  Fortunately, my cousin Brad McSpadden (who bought my dad's previous business, Data Solutions), cousin-in-law Kevin Albertson, along with my brother Dave, met together to figure out where to go with my dad's business.  We are so grateful to them for doing that!    

     Here are some of the thoughts that have stuck with me, even after I'm back home, and for me everything has settled down.
   From observing my dad in the hospital, (in the most humble of circumstances, and having his independence completely stripped from him), I saw in him what the Lord meant when he tells us to be meek and lowly of heart.
     I also saw some of the aspects of charity that Moroni mentions when he says that charity suffereth long, and is kind,... and is not puffed up...beareth all things, believeth all things, hopeth all things, endureth all things.
     I now get what it means when the scriptures teach us to humble yourselves, even to the dust.  It is really upsetting to see the person who raised you, who you've looked up to you're entire life, a business owner, and one of the most intelligent people you know, suddenly being talked to like a child, and unable to be able to point out which animal is 'the dog'.  His recovery is requiring every bit of humility, motivation, discipline, drive, and energy that he has.  I've never seen a person pushed that far emotionally, physically, and spiritually.
     One thing that I find ironic is that I often feel most grateful to God when I'm going through something difficult.  Or maybe it is that I can see the true character of God and His kindness more clearly in the midst of a trial.  Christmas break overall was pretty traumatic, considering everything that happened with Eden, and my dad.  But, I have so much to be grateful for- both cases could have been so much worse! Another major blessing is the timing of everything.  While there is never a great time for a stroke, this timing was about as good as it could have been. First of all, he was home when it happened, not driving or at his office.  Also, James and I were home and were able to help my mom get him into the car.  Second of all, if it had happened a few months earlier, like in the middle of Katie's problems, it would have been catastrophic.  Katie and my mom depended on him a lot during Katie's divorce.  He is much more able to cope with stress, think logically in the midst of emotional setting than both of them.  They relied on him heavily.  The Lord was very kind to hold off on the stroke until things were getting settled for Katie...which they are, thank heavens!       Other things that I've been thinking about since the experience- our physical bodies are so amazing. It can go through and recover from so much trauma.  It makes me want to do a better job at taking care of myself.  Seeing how much discipline and motivation that was being demanded from my dad made me want to be more disciplined in my own life. If I had half of the discipline he was using during his recovery, I'd be much further ahead in life than I am now!  It makes me want to never ever let myself get overweight. I also take so many things for granted that I don't even realize is a blessing until it is gone- ie walking, talking, swallowing, writing, thinking, etc.
     Most of all though, I realized again, how blessed I am to have such an amazing father, who was taught me so many things.  My dad may have his corks and annoying habits, but in every aspect that matters eternally, he was completely aligned with the Lord's will, and always has been.
 





Taken right after his physical therapy session which consisted of walking down the hall and back.  We had to tell him to slow down because he was making the other stroke victims look bad!   Good work dad, we love you so much and are your biggest fans!