Know ye not that ye are in the hands of God... (Moroni 5:23)

Today was a painful reminder at how fragile life is. I am writing this post from a room at Primary Children's Medical Center. Here is the story- I laid Eden down for a nap at the Browns house today. We'd just gotten into UT late last night. We're visiting during James's Christmas break. I decided to lay her on the bed because the pack n' play was being used. She has recently started rolling all over the place though, so I put a little toddler air mattress on top of the bed and laid her in it. It was partially deflated, which I initially thought was perfect because she wouldn't be as mobile, and wouldn't be able to roll off the bed. I swaddled her, left the room, and didn't think twice about it.

Partway through her nap I snuck in to get some of my clothes out to take a shower. When I came back into the room, about 20 minutes later, I noticed she had rolled onto her stomach. I thought about rolling her back onto her back so she could breathe a little bit easier, but disregarded the thought. I usually make it a habit to never disturb a sleeping baby. I put some things away and tidied up a little bit and just as I was leaving, decided to roll her onto her back, even if it meant waking her up.

I will forever be grateful to the Lord for putting that thought back into my head because when I rolled her over, her face was blue. She had been slowly suffocating and I had no idea. I quickly unwrapped her swaddle, and fortunately the color returned to her face and I could see that she started breathing. I yelled like crazy for James to come help me. He came and held her but she was completely unresponsive. Her eyes were unfocused and drooping and she was completely limp. She didn't snap out of it so I immediately called 911. James gave her a priesthood blessing and we waited. It was the longest 5 minutes of my life.

Once the paramedics got there she was still very lethargic and limp. She slowly started coming out of it and by the time they checked her vitals, she could focus her eyes and interact much more like her usual self. Her vitals were stable, but her oxygen saturation was low- like 75%. They told us she needed to be looked at by a pediatrician at Primary's. They said they always recommend you use the ambulance to drive there, but said they would feel comfortable if we just took her ourselves since she was acting so normal.

We gathered up our things quickly and drove down. She had an x ray and a blood test, and as far as we know she is doing great. They still wanted to watch her overnight though, because it took her so long to recover from the scary event. So we are here at primary's right now, just counting our blessings that she's doing so well.

Throughout this experience, I couldn't help but think about the families in CN, and how much they must be hurting to have lost their little kids. I've also been thinking about my friend, who recently lost her baby boy. I'm so sad for them while at the same time so relieved and that we were spared that loss. I'm so grateful that I can still change her poopy diapers and listen to her shrill little cries. James said it well- today Eden was in the Lord's hands. I'm so glad He let her stay! I know that even (or especially) when you have difficulties, the Lord shows us His tender mercies, which we received in abundance today.

Happiness, Your Heritage 
Dieter F. Uchtdorf
RS broadcast Oct. 2008

 I rewatched this talk today.  It really hit home for me the first time I watched it in '08. Particularly the part about creating rings true with me. It has given me some direction, understanding, and perspective as far as my relatively new role as a mom.
 Here are some of my favorite lines from it.

~ If you are a mother, you participate with God in His work of creation—not only by providing physical bodies for your children but also by teaching and nurturing them.

~Our birthright—and the purpose of our great voyage on this earth—is to seek and experience eternal happiness. One of the ways we find this is by creating things

~Remember that you are spirit daughters of the most creative Being in the universe

~“Progress, and improve upon and make beautiful everything around you. Cultivate the earth, and cultivate your minds. Build cities, adorn your habitations, make gardens, orchards, and vineyards, and render the earth so pleasant that when you look upon your labors you may do so with pleasure, and that angels may delight to come and visit your beautiful locations. In the mean time continually seek to adorn your minds with all the graces of the Spirit of Christ.”

~The more you trust and rely upon the Spirit, the greater your capacity to create. That is your opportunity in this life and your destiny in the life to come.

~James Barrie, the author of Peter Pan: “Those who bring sunshine to the lives of others cannot keep it from themselves.”

Just saw that they made the talk into a Mormon Message; I don't think this message captures the depth of his message though.     

Mommy life

   One of my favorite sayings is "The hand that rocks the cradle is the hand that rules the world."  I really do believe that.  Today was a more difficult day for me though.  I have been feeling like a complete mess lately with my kids, especially Eden.  I have no idea what to do with her.  About 50% of the time, she has some major issues with eating.  I can't get a full feeding in her because she'll arch her back and scream and cry when I try to feed her like she is in pain; which means that I have to feed her again in another hour or so.  I feel like telling everybody that I will not be dependable for the next year.  When we are at home, it is fine.  I can get Eden to sleep in her own bed and on somewhat of a schedule.  The problem is whenever we go anywhere.  First of all, I can't seem to be on time for anything. It is so frustrating to me, because (although you would never know it) I really do put a lot of effort and energy into trying to plan ahead and get to places on time.  The other problem is that whenever we finally get to where were going, after about 20 minutes (at most) Eden is fussy.  That wouldn't be that big of a problem is she would eat, but then after like 5 seconds of sucking, she is done and still won't eat.  Here is what I've tried- gripe water, gas drops, cutting out chocolate, milk & gluten from my diet.  Nothing has made a huge difference so far.

  That was a lot of venting, but after 4 months, it really does start getting to me.  The Lord is probably trying to teach me a lesson for when I get critical or annoyed at anyone who was ever late.  Having a newbord can be very humbling.  I thought I knew what I was doing-- I don't.                      
    So on that note, I decided to try to focus on the things that I am doing- even if they are small accomplishments. I learned how to French braid today. I've been meaning to learn for about the last 10 years. Finally did it. Here is a pic of my 1st French braid worn out in public.

  

Family pics- compliments of Annie

Eden's blessing

 Eden was blessed November 3, 2012. She wore the same blessing dress that I wore when I was blessed.

Drowning in her mom's baby blessing dress

The priesthood circle

You are a beauty Eden.  Mommy & daddy adore you and are so glad that we are the ones who get to take care of you!  

My parents came down for Eden's blessing as well as Vicki & John.  We had a great time.  The blessing was beautifully done.  (Way to go James!)


We had plenty of pool time with the Christensen side before the blessing. 

Lost wallet, answered prayer, & WinCo

Lost wallet & answered prayer
     A couple of days ago we walked to the library with a friend. On our way there, apparently Benson didn't think he had enough room for his feet, because he was throwing my things out of the stroller.  I am almost certain that that was how my wallet turned up missing. I didn't realize the wallet was even gone until we were leaving the library. We double and triple checked the place for my it, but had no luck. I tried to convince myself that I just hadn't taken it with me.  Once we got home though, I couldn't find it either.  There were no wallets turned in at the library's circulation desks or at San Lagos's front office. I started to get nervous...I had cash, my license, credit and debit cards,  and a ton of random gift cards from returns I'd made.  Luckily, earlier in the morning, I had deposited the 4 checks that were in it.  Still though, to say it was be a huge pain to lose it would be an understatement.  I decided to officially kneel down for a prayer, (I'd been praying that I'd find it the whole time in my head, but decided this situation called for something more formal).  Following the prayer, I remembered that the Lord helps us most when we are willing to help ourselves.  I quickly called my bank and credit card company to put a freeze on my credit card, and closed my debit card.  After that I re-traced my walk, and also called the security office at Midwestern to check if someone had turned it in there.  No luck.  I didn't know what else to do but wait...
     An hour or two later a random guy (named John) knocks on our door- holding my blessed wallet!  I couldn't believe it!  He had found it in front of Zendehas Grill (a restaurant behind our apartment), and happened to be a student at Midwestern, as well as live in San Lagos.  More importantly though, he happened to be honest.  Thank heaven's the Lord let my wallet fall into the hands of an honest person. 

 WinCo
This leads my next story.  Today, I did what was suppose to be a 'quick' shopping trip to WinCo.  By the time we were finally done, the kids were starting to get restless.  Benson had finished his dumdum (thank you Ali, for teaching me genius that trick) and Eden was getting hungry.  After the cashier was almost done checking the groceries through, I remembered that I'd closed my debit card.  So I told the cashier that it may not work, and if so, I'd need her to take a few things off of the tab in order to pay cash (WinCo doesn't accept credit cards). I don't think I explained the situation clearly enough though, because she kept put everything through anyway.  Well, I tried to run my debit card, and, not surprisingly, it didn't work.  And unfortunately, I didn't have enough cash. I was relieved to find that I was only $2 short!  I asked her to take off one of the spaghetti sauces and it turned into a big hassle. She had to get her manager to come over and void the transaction.  All of the sudden it seemed like everyone around me was in a hurry.  I swear the lady behind me in line gave me a dirty look, just as Eden started to cry more loudly, and Benson started to climb out of the cart onto the moving ramp to grab a banana.  Once the manager came and asked what the cashier needed, she points at me and announces to him (and the whole store-)  that 'this girls doesn't have enough money to pay'. I was horrified. It was so humiliating!  And, because it is WinCo, I couldn't leave right away after paying.  I had to spend 2 or 3 minutes next to the cashier while we bagged our own groceries.  Once we were finally done, we jetted out of there.  Here is a picture to capture the moment.   


 

Benson finally got his banana (and stuffed it all in his mouth)

Thanksgiving

Two years ago today Benson was released from the hospital and was able to come home! He was born 7 1/2 weeks premature, and also got an infection while in the NICU, which extended his hospital stay.  It was so perfect that he was able to come home on Thanksgiving.  I love the fact that every year on this holiday, I am reminded how lucky we are to have him.  This experience (his 5 wk hospital stay) has helped me to complain a little bit less when he throws a tantrums, or when Eden wants to be held all day.  I wouldn't have it any other way!  

 Now he is doing great and in perfect health. It is amazing what time can do to heal our painful and difficult experiences. We have so much to be grateful for!

Heaven knows how to put a proper price upon its goods

 The Crisis
THESE are the times that try men's souls. The summer soldier and the sunshine patriot will, in this crisis, shrink from the service of their country; but he that stands by it now, deserves the love and thanks of man and woman. Tyranny, like hell, is not easily conquered; yet we have this consolation with us, that the harder the conflict, the more glorious the triumph. What we obtain too cheap, we esteem too lightly: it is dearness only that gives every thing its value. Heaven knows how to put a proper price upon its goods; and it would be strange indeed if so celestial an article as FREEDOM should not be highly rated.
~Thomas Paine

Thoughts on 2012 Election Night

"Oh ye fair ones, how could ye have departed from the ways of the Lord! Oh ye fair ones, how could ye have rejected that Jesus, who stood with open arms to receive you!"
(Mormon 6:17)
   I can sympathize with these feelings in light of the tonight's turnout.  Our choice was clear; and we chose wrongly.  How could we have re-elected a man who has trampled the very constitution that he promised to defend?!
   I'm experiencing the 5 stages of grief and loss that Elizabeth Kubler-Ross discussed.  Denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance.  And actually, this is appropriate, when I consider what is at stake under the leadership of Obama. The loss of the following-
Religious liberty
Limits to government
Free markets
The sanctity of marriage
Potential for Energy Independence 
Allied-Israel
America's place as the "leader of the free world"


I am trying (in disbelief) to consider what is coming -
Obama Care
$20,000,000,000,000+ debt *(Debt as a weapon of mass destruction as discussed in the movie 2016)
Redistribution of wealth
Nuclear Iran & North Korea
Same-sex marriage
Ample increases/opportunity for abortion  

Am I being overly dramatic?  What are your projections? I just finished reading Alma 46 (the Title of Lib chapter), which took on a lot of meaning tonight. 
Thoughts?
Also, what did you think of the movie 2016...particularly 'debt' being used as a weapon of mass destruction.
 

As of late (Halloween, Benson's 2nd birthday, etc)

Fire Station Play Group...notice Benson was the only one crying

 
State Fair
Ali, Meredith and I and 6 kids. We all had two kids to worry about, in a not so kid friendly place.   We had a great time but agreed that it would have been much easier with our husbands!  

Benson's 2nd birthday

Cutest 2 year old ever

Trying to smile for the pic in spite of his grief

LOVES his daddy!

Halloween celebrations

Eden's mermaid costume-compliments of Aunt Jessica

Cousin time

 Zoo keepers with our animals- dog (Benson) & ladybug (Eden).  Thank you Vicki for the zoo keeper hats and Ali & Mike for the kids' costumes.

                                                               

                                                    




Date Night

What Benson does during his nap time...
  

My neighbor Annie texted me this while Benson was supposedly sleeping.  This cracks me up.  He hates going to bed; he fights it (literally) like crazy.  I was just happy that he wasn't screaming this time!

 
Carmel apple night

We were having so much fun talking that James finally kicked everyone out after midnight.  Haven't had that experience in a while. :)

one of many hot tub nights

 

Pre Thanksgiving Dinner

a little update we sent out

Hi fam,
Just wanted to send out a little update at Jill's request.  First of all, happy Constitution Day!  I heard on the radio that today was Constitution Day, and decided that it was a holiday that needs more attention.  Ali and I decided to do a special FHE lesson on the Constitution.  If we're lucky, Mike will follow it by a contemporary dance solo to "This Land is Your Land."
We are all adjusting well to having Eden around.  This is really my first experience with a newborn (because Benson was in the hospital for 5 weeks) and its going relatively well.  Benson loves holding her and kissing her.  Unfortunately, he also loves hitting and pinching her.  I spend the majority of my time protecting her from him.  Her only safe place is on top of the counter in her bouncer. 
  Last week Eden and I were sleeping on the bed after James and Benson had waken up.  James came into the room after a few minutes and asked me if I had moved Eden (Benson was playing with her across the room).  Of course I hadn't, which meant that Benson did it.  Somehow, he had gotten her off of the middle of the bed (our bed is on stilts, so he usually falls just getting only himself off), and moved her to the other side of the room...all in silence!  Its a miracle that he was able to do that without her crying!
  Benson is not only getting sneakier, but smarter as well.  Today while he was suppose to be taking a nap, he figured out how to unlock his door.  I decided to tie his door shut, and the two kids' screams didn't even faze me.  I guess that means I'm getting used to having two kids.
  Last week Les Miserables came to Phoenix.  Ali and I decided to go with a few of our friends.  James and Mike said they were too busy with school.  It was tricky to arrange everything with babysitters, but it was SO worth it!  Mike was even able to join us at the last minute.  Unfortunately he had to sit alone. 
  James is very busy with school.  He is also tutoring biochemistry and TAing anatomy.  The 2nd year of med. school is supposedly way more busy then the first year, so I'm gearing up to be a single mother for the next little while.  Fortunately it hasn't been too bad so far.            
Hope you're all doing great.
love,
Stacey

Ali, Stacey, Mandy & Collin

Here are a few of Benson from a weekend camping trip we took this summer with some friends. I was about 30 (?) weeks pregnant and didn't sleep well at all.  But we had a good time anyway. Kiya, (the friend who took Eden's newborn pics) took these.