Know ye not that ye are in the hands of God... (Moroni 5:23)

Today was a painful reminder at how fragile life is. I am writing this post from a room at Primary Children's Medical Center. Here is the story- I laid Eden down for a nap at the Browns house today. We'd just gotten into UT late last night. We're visiting during James's Christmas break. I decided to lay her on the bed because the pack n' play was being used. She has recently started rolling all over the place though, so I put a little toddler air mattress on top of the bed and laid her in it. It was partially deflated, which I initially thought was perfect because she wouldn't be as mobile, and wouldn't be able to roll off the bed. I swaddled her, left the room, and didn't think twice about it.

Partway through her nap I snuck in to get some of my clothes out to take a shower. When I came back into the room, about 20 minutes later, I noticed she had rolled onto her stomach. I thought about rolling her back onto her back so she could breathe a little bit easier, but disregarded the thought. I usually make it a habit to never disturb a sleeping baby. I put some things away and tidied up a little bit and just as I was leaving, decided to roll her onto her back, even if it meant waking her up.

I will forever be grateful to the Lord for putting that thought back into my head because when I rolled her over, her face was blue. She had been slowly suffocating and I had no idea. I quickly unwrapped her swaddle, and fortunately the color returned to her face and I could see that she started breathing. I yelled like crazy for James to come help me. He came and held her but she was completely unresponsive. Her eyes were unfocused and drooping and she was completely limp. She didn't snap out of it so I immediately called 911. James gave her a priesthood blessing and we waited. It was the longest 5 minutes of my life.

Once the paramedics got there she was still very lethargic and limp. She slowly started coming out of it and by the time they checked her vitals, she could focus her eyes and interact much more like her usual self. Her vitals were stable, but her oxygen saturation was low- like 75%. They told us she needed to be looked at by a pediatrician at Primary's. They said they always recommend you use the ambulance to drive there, but said they would feel comfortable if we just took her ourselves since she was acting so normal.

We gathered up our things quickly and drove down. She had an x ray and a blood test, and as far as we know she is doing great. They still wanted to watch her overnight though, because it took her so long to recover from the scary event. So we are here at primary's right now, just counting our blessings that she's doing so well.

Throughout this experience, I couldn't help but think about the families in CN, and how much they must be hurting to have lost their little kids. I've also been thinking about my friend, who recently lost her baby boy. I'm so sad for them while at the same time so relieved and that we were spared that loss. I'm so grateful that I can still change her poopy diapers and listen to her shrill little cries. James said it well- today Eden was in the Lord's hands. I'm so glad He let her stay! I know that even (or especially) when you have difficulties, the Lord shows us His tender mercies, which we received in abundance today.

Happiness, Your Heritage 
Dieter F. Uchtdorf
RS broadcast Oct. 2008

 I rewatched this talk today.  It really hit home for me the first time I watched it in '08. Particularly the part about creating rings true with me. It has given me some direction, understanding, and perspective as far as my relatively new role as a mom.
 Here are some of my favorite lines from it.

~ If you are a mother, you participate with God in His work of creation—not only by providing physical bodies for your children but also by teaching and nurturing them.

~Our birthright—and the purpose of our great voyage on this earth—is to seek and experience eternal happiness. One of the ways we find this is by creating things

~Remember that you are spirit daughters of the most creative Being in the universe

~“Progress, and improve upon and make beautiful everything around you. Cultivate the earth, and cultivate your minds. Build cities, adorn your habitations, make gardens, orchards, and vineyards, and render the earth so pleasant that when you look upon your labors you may do so with pleasure, and that angels may delight to come and visit your beautiful locations. In the mean time continually seek to adorn your minds with all the graces of the Spirit of Christ.”

~The more you trust and rely upon the Spirit, the greater your capacity to create. That is your opportunity in this life and your destiny in the life to come.

~James Barrie, the author of Peter Pan: “Those who bring sunshine to the lives of others cannot keep it from themselves.”

Just saw that they made the talk into a Mormon Message; I don't think this message captures the depth of his message though.     

Mommy life

   One of my favorite sayings is "The hand that rocks the cradle is the hand that rules the world."  I really do believe that.  Today was a more difficult day for me though.  I have been feeling like a complete mess lately with my kids, especially Eden.  I have no idea what to do with her.  About 50% of the time, she has some major issues with eating.  I can't get a full feeding in her because she'll arch her back and scream and cry when I try to feed her like she is in pain; which means that I have to feed her again in another hour or so.  I feel like telling everybody that I will not be dependable for the next year.  When we are at home, it is fine.  I can get Eden to sleep in her own bed and on somewhat of a schedule.  The problem is whenever we go anywhere.  First of all, I can't seem to be on time for anything. It is so frustrating to me, because (although you would never know it) I really do put a lot of effort and energy into trying to plan ahead and get to places on time.  The other problem is that whenever we finally get to where were going, after about 20 minutes (at most) Eden is fussy.  That wouldn't be that big of a problem is she would eat, but then after like 5 seconds of sucking, she is done and still won't eat.  Here is what I've tried- gripe water, gas drops, cutting out chocolate, milk & gluten from my diet.  Nothing has made a huge difference so far.

  That was a lot of venting, but after 4 months, it really does start getting to me.  The Lord is probably trying to teach me a lesson for when I get critical or annoyed at anyone who was ever late.  Having a newbord can be very humbling.  I thought I knew what I was doing-- I don't.                      
    So on that note, I decided to try to focus on the things that I am doing- even if they are small accomplishments. I learned how to French braid today. I've been meaning to learn for about the last 10 years. Finally did it. Here is a pic of my 1st French braid worn out in public.

  

Family pics- compliments of Annie

Eden's blessing

 Eden was blessed November 3, 2012. She wore the same blessing dress that I wore when I was blessed.

Drowning in her mom's baby blessing dress

The priesthood circle

You are a beauty Eden.  Mommy & daddy adore you and are so glad that we are the ones who get to take care of you!  

My parents came down for Eden's blessing as well as Vicki & John.  We had a great time.  The blessing was beautifully done.  (Way to go James!)


We had plenty of pool time with the Christensen side before the blessing.